Breaking Up with Bank of America

9 Apr

Me: Hi, I’m calling to close my account.

BofA Rep: I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?

Me: After 12 years as a loyal customer, I am affirming the fact that I’m a dissatisfied with your service.

BofA Rep: May I ask why?

Me: Well, I feel you owe me $104 for poor customer service and for completely draining my checking account while I was out of the country.

BofA Rep: I’m sorry to hear that. How did this come to be?

Me: According to the branch manager, my account was emptied due to a change in policy, a change that I was not informed of until my return to the US. On top of that, the bank began charging me (during my absence) interest for insufficient funds, and according to the letter I received in the mail, I subsequently owe Bank of America $60 in fines and fees. When I expressed my frustration over the situation with a supervisor at my branch she agreed to wave a portion of the fines and credit my account $16.30. I’m not sure how she came up with the number. She was also kind enough to offer to switch me to a new type of account that bars me from talking to a customer service representative in person. Though apparently I’m allowed to use an ATM whenever I want. She explained this would help me avoid any penalty fees in the future.

BofA Rep: I’m sorry to hear about that.  Would you like to speak to a supervisor?

Me: No. I think this relationship is over. (Read: Irreparable.)

BofA Rep: We’ll issue a cashier’s check and send it to you. It should take 5-7 days for my check to be processed and sent. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Me: No, thank you.

BofA Rep: Thank you, Ms. Jepson.

After reading this account of another customer’s experience in closing his account, I have my doubts that this breakup is yet official.

Looking back, what I should’ve said was…

“I’m closing my account because I hate the picture on my ATM card.”

It seems like I would’ve gotten the same point across.

2 Responses to “Breaking Up with Bank of America”

  1. Fred Avila April 9, 2011 at 11:13 pm #

    Oh my god! A very similar thing happened to me recently. I had $140 in overdraft fees for bullshit reasons. I talked to 3 different people at B of A. The first person offered to refund $35. The second person offered $70. It finally took me losing my shit and literally shouting, “I demand my money back!” for them to actually do it. If you haven’t actually closed the account yet I suggest you call them again and start making demands and threatening to take your business elsewhere. They can and will do it. They’re trained hagglers and they’ll hold out as long as possible. Don’t let them win.

  2. Peg April 13, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    I broke up with them a few years ago for the same reason. The worst part about it is the script they read, with the fake concern (let’s face it they have no more interest in us than they have in B of A)

    Now I own a business and am trying to keep it a cash or check only place because I cannot wrap my mind around the fees they want to charge a small business.

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